Usually, sexual intercourse is one activity that thrives on concentration, and that attention it needs often remains pertinent until the two persons involved in it are okay at the end of the exercise.
But, in spite of the excitement and enjoyment that often come with sex, the act may suddenly become nauseating and uninteresting or dreary due to the actions and inactions of the other person involved. It should be noted, however, that a happy sex life is key in marriage.
Therefore, it would seem somewhat helpful for couples to know the things they would do or say that could make their partner lose interest in the act or truncate the romp in the sack itself, whether for that moment or even subsequent times. Some of these things are:
Don’t assess their private parts unless it’s complementary:
From findings, there are things people should not say to their partner during or shortly before sex, as such things could kill the libido of the other person the comment was directed at. For example, before or during sex, telling a man that his penis is small; that he is not good in bed; that he’s a two-minute man or that he smells (including mouth odour) could naturally puncture his libido and make him lose interest in the act, no matter how deeply aroused he had been. Likewise for women, telling a woman during sex that she has a droopy vagina, saggy breasts or body, stretch marks, protruding stomach or pot belly, unshaved pubic hair or that she had odour could deflate her interest. Thus, given the impact certain words could have, psychologists and sex therapists advise that comments that do not complement the other person should not come up during sex. Rather, they said such persons should calmly engage the partner in a chat after the act, with the aim of finding solution.
Touching a partner’s private parts with disgust:
Notably, people are generally cautious of how they and their organs are perceived during sex, thus, any such action, like touching, that suggests disdain could unsettle the other person and make them lose self esteem, which would impact negatively on their performance. Thus, people are advised to save their reservation until later, unless they could, in a friendly manner, encourage the partner on how best to deliver with what they have.
Being distracted (pressing phone, checking time or watching television):
Most of the time, the one signal people get when they are having sex with someone who seems distracted, especially between husband and wife, is that the person’s mind is not there, or that they are not really interested in doing it or that there’s something more important they need to attend to, all of which could be a turn-off for some people. Thus, couples are often advised not to press phone, whether to answer a call or read a message, watch television, glance at newspapers, check time or bring up political discussion, as their partner might lose interest in the act.
Being too hard on the sensitive parts:
The stimulation of certain sensitive parts of the body, like glans (for men) and clitoris or nipples (for women) could boost how much people enjoy the act, but when the partner is too hard on those fragile, sensitive parts, the pain could overwhelm them, deflate their libido, and then make them lose their interest in the act, sometimes gradually. And sometimes, being too hard on such sensitive parts could inflict pain on the person, which would be another kettle of fish.
Coughing or sneezing on the partner’s face:
These are natural body reactions that people do not always have control over, but inasmuch as it could be spontaneous, blowing it all on the face of a partner during sex could kill their interest, especially if mucus is involved. They may be forced to stop and clean their faces, and then the zeal to start again might have disappeared. Thus, according to Bustle, an American-based women’s online medium, people are advised to turn their face away from the partner, for the purpose of hygiene and so as not to impede the flow of the partner.
Comparison with an ex:
Perhaps out of discontent with the performance of a partner, some people tend to point out how their ex did it better, perhaps with the aim of getting their spouse to adopt such initiative, but findings have shown that comparing a spouse with others, at the spouse’s detriment, could be counter-productive, as it tends to affect their self esteem and confidence.
Don’t leave the scene unless your partner is satisfied:
From previous findings, sexual dissatisfaction could cause disharmony in marriage, and men are known to be able to reach that destination faster than women, some of whom also require clitoral stimulation for them to reach orgasm. Thus, given the disparity in the time they tend to be sexually satisfied, couples, especially men, are advised to make sure their wives also climax before they leave, so as not to leave the partner hanging. This is particularly important because a previous study by an American sleep researcher and neurologist, Dr. Christopher Winter, had shown that men tend to sleep after sex because of the secretion of some hormones, like prolactin and oxytocin, in their system after ejaculation.
Don’t be passive:
It is not uncommon for some women to just lie there and leave all the work to the man, and same thing applies to some men, especially when they adopt the woman on top style. But according to sex therapists, good and satisfactory sex is a product of contributory efforts, because, according to them, seeing a partner actively involved could be encouraging. On the other hand, they said being passive could present the other person making the effort as being selfish. Also, it was found that being passive and not saying anything could smirk of non-approval or just doing it out of obligation.
Don’t assume your partner knows what you want:
According to psychologists and sex therapists, communication is key in any relationship, whether in matters of sexual intimacy or any other thing that concerns the marriage. Thus, when displeased about what the partner is not doing right, couples are always advised to voice out their concern and not resort to frowning or hissing as a way of registering their displeasure. This could bring the act to an abrupt end, because the other person might also lose interest.
Don’t be too forward:
For the fact that couples are not strangers to each other, there is sometimes the temptation of trying out new things, especially when there is deep intimacy between them. However, experts are of the view that before trying out something unconventional or something entirely new, in the name of being creative, couples should discuss their new ideas or innovations, so that the partner doesn’t see them as being wild or learning things from outside.
What if you fart during sex:
This is another natural body reaction that sometimes comes unannounced, and if it comes at a wrong time, it is normal for people to feel embarrassed, which is enough to lose composure, but, according to experts, people should not crucify themselves if they fart during sex. They are simply advised to apologise to their partner and move on, without ruining their good time.
Don’t lie about being satisfied:
In order not to feel like an addict or someone who doesn’t get satisfied easily or hurt the ego of their partner, some people, especially women, fake their orgasm. But according to experts, this is not good for the relationship, as they say it’s a way of masking a problem that needs to be addressed, sometimes giving the man a false impression that he’s okay when he should be treating premature ejaculation. Hence, married persons are encouraged to make their dissatisfaction known to their partner, so that at a later date when they decide to voice out, it would not be seen as being demanding.
Take it easy:
According to experts, quick or violent thrusting could be pleasurable, but findings have also shown that it could inflict some injury on the vaginal walls or some bruises on the penis. Also, in extreme cases, it has been found to also be a risk factor for penile fracture.
Credit: The Punch